365 Challenge

This Christmas, with the help of my Dad & Step-Mom (along with my own savings), I purchased a Canon 3ti. I've had my Pentax 35 mm for 5 years now and my passion for photography just continued to grow rapidly. This is the first DSLR I have owned, and I cannot tell you how much I already appreciate it. To be able to express myself and use my giftings whenever I want is one of the most freeing and liberating feelings. I finally have the resource I need.

Upon getting my T3i, I decided to start the New Year off with doing a 365 challenge. I want to push & challenge myself. I want to document what happens in my personal life as well as others around me and the rest of the world. I want to document history. I want to look back on the year of photos and have hundreds of memories--painful, joyful, heavy, light--as well as see how the artist and photographer in my spirit grows.

Here's to kicking off a year and journey of photos and the beginning of a whole new world.

Humbling Holiday

"In quietness and confidence is your strength."
~Isaiah 30:15

"'Don’t be afraid, Mary,' the angel told her, 'for you have found favor with God! You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you will name him Jesus.'"
~Luke 1:30-31

Today, I am humbled by the mere fact of putting myself in Mary's position. Theologians figure that Mary was anywhere from 14-16 years old when she found she was going to be giving birth to Jesus. I sat this morning and really soaked that in. I can't even fathom being my age, let alone years younger, and being told by an angel that I was going to be giving birth to the Son of God.

I can't even imagine what Mary went through--mentally with herself, having to deal with others' perceptions, having to explain to others how she was a virgin, yet pregnant. Something that I've had to work on myself is the feeling of needing to defend myself. I've found myself in plenty of situations where I am judged, people talk, people ask questions upon questions, people make assumptions, etc. Then it has just been natural for me to feel the need to almost put up my shield, and explain and defend myself. One of the biggest lessons I have learned in the past year is that God is my one and only defender. "In quietness and confidence shall be my strength", just as Isaiah 30:15 says. The position that Mary was put in was the exact thing that has inspired me to trust God to be my defender and a voice of truth and righteousness for me. It has given me a sense of peace that I have never experienced before.

The other thing that completely humbled me was just the fact of being told that you were going to give birth to the Son of God. I mean really, can you imagine an angel appearing to you and telling "Don't be afraid, God has found favor in you. You will conceive and give birth to the Son of God and name Him Jesus." . . NO PRESSURE! To me, that is just the prime definition of "honor". I could not imagine being the one chosen to give birth to the Son of God--how humbling.

This Christmas, I pray that you are filled with gratitude, joy, love, and this bountiful experience of being humbled.

Merry Christmas!

Breaking

Sometimes life just sucks.
And there’s heaviness everywhere you look.
Everywhere—people are broken, sick, dying, having relationship issues, going to treatment, dealing with an alcoholic family member, getting abused by their spouse, etc.
This world is so broken.
And there’s times where I just have my “broken moments”.
I stuff,
stuff,
stuff.
And the heaviness gets deep,
high,
thick.
And then I just break.

Have you ever watched yourself cry in the mirror?
Just sat there, just you and the mirror, and really stared into your eyes?
Studied the expressions on your face?
Watch the corner of your mouth curl as your bottom lip quivers.
Watch the pain seep out of your eyes and down your cheeks.
Tears making lines down your fragile face as if making a path of all the built up crap.
The tears almost stain your face like a tattoo on your skin.
Reminding you of where you’ve been and where it’s gotten you to.
And they just flow,
and run.
And you sit there, watching yourself, and a million things come to mind.
First pity.
You pathetic thing, look at you!
Allowing yourself to break like this.
Then frustration.
How the Hell did you let yourself open a door to even the opportunity of this pain to happen?
Then finally; sympathy.
That stuff was building up for too long.
You needed to break.
And yeah, it hurts like a mother.
But my gosh, you needed to break.

Questions/Prayer Requests

I created a Formspring for all of you who would like to contact me with questions/prayer requests/etc. You can do it anonymously if you would like.

http://www.formspring.me/morganalexisc

A Thankful Heart

"Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."
-1 Thessalonians 5:18

It's so easy in our day to day lives to complain--complain about things we don't have, complain about our circumstances, complain about things we can't change. We tire ourselves out rambling on and on, and what good does it do us? None.

This Thanksgiving holds a lot of mixed feelings for me:

Sorrow. There is a lot I have lost in the past year--specifically the biggest being relationships with loved ones. It's been a painful journey, but it has not only made me stronger, but taught me how to put my trust and faith in God. I am currently in the midst of reading the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge (if you have not read this book, I HIGHLY recommend it; both men and women). In reading this book, things have started to make more sense to me--for example, how I like to take things into my own hands and be in control. Not in a domineering way, but in a "I'm strong enough to handle this on my own, I'll show you" kind of way. Throughout dealing with the losses in the last year, I have had to learn to get down on my knees and surrender all to Christ--that's all I can do. That's all I'm called to do. 

Relief. Although I have lost relationships in the past year, I have also gained relationships that were lost, and now being restored. To be able to let go of that pain, hatred, bitterness, and holes in my heart has just been one of the most freeing and relieving feelings I've ever experienced. I could not have orchestrated things better myself. This was just even more proof to me that God does always have a plan and He makes beauty from ashes.

Thankfulness. Last but certainly not least. Despite everything that has gone on this past year--good and bad alike--my heart is just genuinely thankful this year. How could it not be? I look at my life and I can see countless blessings and things to be grateful for. God has been ever faithful to me. He has provided, cared for me, pursued me, loved me, and taken care of me. He has made up for where I lack, He has given me grace, He has grown my spirit, He has given me wisdom, He has shaped me to be who I am destined to be.

Although my heart is missing those loved ones that I have lost relationships with this year, I am overflowing with the joy that comes from my thankful heart.

My encouragement to you is to do your best to have a thankful heart, rather than focusing on what you don't have or are lacking. More than likely, there's even more to be thankful for than you realize.

Here's to living the destined life..

Rekindled Friendship

I met Madeline when I was in middle school through a mutual friend. My mentor at the time started a bible study with Madeline and I as well as 2 other girls. We didn't go to the same school or gatherings, but we spent time together in that bible study and whenever we'd all have a girls night or hang out time.

Years have passed after the bible study stopped, and we lost contact. We've been friends on Facebook, but hadn't really "reconnected" until a few weeks ago. After messaging back and forth, we agreed to a coffee date a few weeks back. We sat down at one of my favorite coffee shops (Kodiak Coffee in Forest Lake) and caught each other up on our lives for hours on end.

The more and more we talked, we found out how much we could relate to each other. I mean, really, it was crazy. We both left our parents homes because of unhealthy situations and are now living elsewhere for new beginnings. Our stories lined up so similarly. And even though we didn't have the EXACT same story, we were finishing each others' sentences because we knew what it was like to go through what we've gone through and be where we're at.

As we were realizing how much had happened in each others' lives in the time that had passed, I started to feel a strong bond and an overwhelming sense of God's timing. It kept astonishing me that even though so many time had passed, we were able to relate and rekindle our friendship on such a deep level.

Since that coffee date, we've texted, spent even more time together, and already have plenty of things planned to do together in the upcoming months.

This woman is so strong, so in-tune with herself, so in-touch with the Holy Spirit, and she's an inspiration to me. It's only been a few weeks since that first coffee date, and I already feel I've learned from her, been inspired by her, as well as empowered. It's so awesome how God just knew we could relate to each other and support each other on so many levels now!

Amen to God's timing.

Yesterday Madeline and I went on a little photoshoot adventure and then ended the afternoon sitting in Starbucks (buy one get one free Holiday drinks 2-5 this weekend!!) cuddled up on comfy chairs, sharing stories, laughing, and listening to each other.

Here's some photos from the day:

 

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." 

-John 15:13

Here's to living the destined life..

A True Friend

"The search for reason

Ends at the shore of the known
On the immense expanse beyond
Only the sense of the

Ineffable can glide
It alone knows the route

To that which is remote

From experience and understanding"

Words from a dear and wise friend.

This morning started off like any Thursday morning for me: awake at 6. Pray, roll out of bed, plug in the curling iron, get ready for work, have some yogurt, head out the door, and go to work. As my shift came to an ending, I put my coat on, and headed out to the parking lot where my grandpa was waiting for me in the car. A car alarm started going off the second I walked outside. As I hopped into my grandpa's passenger seat he made a joke, as expected. "Geez, quit making car alarms go off, will ya?!" a little giggle followed.

The second he started driving, he started with "I have some really bad news for you..."
I was thinking maybe we had to reschedule our Thanksgiving plans or something.
"REALLY bad news..." he said.
I braced myself.
"Grandma called this morning..."
My  mind started to race. Did she lose her job? Did something happen to someone in the family?
"...Ira went into the hospital after dealing with some pain and found out he has cancer."

My heart sunk.
Let me explain...

My grandma has worked at the same elementary school since I was born. Through the years, she has built strong relationships with staff, students, parents, etc. One of which was Ira. Ira is the social worker at my grandma's school. I've known him since I was 4. I have been visiting my grandma's school since I was a little one myself. I have so many memories of going to visit Grandma's class. I thought I was so cool; helping out the kids, ordering them what to do, and leading the line to lunch. Every time I went for a visit, I stopped in to see Ira. He always had stories for me and made me laugh--he was always such a goof ball.

As I grew older, we started growing more of a friendship rather than an elder to a child relationship. My grandma kept him updated on how I was doing while I was living out in Colorado. Soon after moving back home to Minnesota, I payed a (highly overdue) visit to my grandma's school. I knew the first thing I had to do was go see Ira. As I approached his office door, I already felt a smile forming on my face. He has this idiotic (I say that in the most admirable way) and humorous photo on the window of his door--filling up the entire space of an image of him and his dog. I knocked on the door as I heard his muffled voice talking to someone on the phone, "Hold on one moment, someone is at the door." He opened the door and a huge astonished grin filled his entire face. "I have to go, can I call you back later?" he replied to the person on the other end of the phone. "Ok, buh-bye now." He embraced me with a huge hug followed by a kiss on each cheek. We then proceeded to talk for an hour catching up on things.

This was the usual for Ira and I. I would surprise him at work. He would always have treats like fresh French press coffee, chocolate covered coffee beans, hummus and veggies, etc. He shared with me countless stories and pictures of his travels--Israel, Jerusalem, France, basically all of Europe. He always sent me home with books encouraging me in my writing and art. "Oh, I have this lovely book that you would just adore," as he would pull one off the shelf. Ira is one of those people who always listens, and he knows how to make you feel like he genuinely cares--and he does. He's invested so much time into me over the years.

"I view you as an equal. Sitting here with you, I view you as someone of the same status as me. I don't look down on you like a child," he told me.

I usually have an issue with being vulnerable. I have a hard time opening up to others because frankly, sometimes I have a hard time even opening up to myself. I love listening to others--I genuinely love it--but other way around, I'm usually not so used to and comfortable with. But Ira was one of the few people I was comfortable with doing that. I felt okay being raw. I felt okay saying whatever came to mind. I had many "ah-ha" moments in his office just spewing out words and putting things together for myself like a puzzle. I always left his office feeling a sense of empowerment and encouragement I hadn't really experienced elsewhere. His office was a safe place. A place to share conversation with a good friend over tea and treats. I've always looked forward to my times with Ira for they are very treasured.

I was planning on going to visit him next Wednesday. We were corresponding through emails back and forth for ongoing weeks since the last time I saw him. This past Monday his first email to me he explained how he was feeling crappy and having "abdominal issues". I didn't really think anything of it--just assumed he had the flu or something. He didn't respond again for a few days...and then I received the news today that he's in the hospital and has cancer.

I'm still letting things soak in. I have been praying since.



This man has taught me so much wisdom. He has invested so much into my heart and life. He has helped push me. He has been a true friend.

My heart goes out to him and his family tonight.
I know he's in His hands.

Here's to living the destined life..