My sweet Josephine,
Today you are two years old.
It seems like just yesterday I was waking up to your dad saying "It's time. I need you to come upstairs and sleep on the couch--we have to go to the hospital." I could barely sleep the rest of the night (well, technically it was morning). Although I already had three siblings at this point--I was beyond ecstatic. You were born and I will never forget visiting mom in the hospital and holding your sweet little fragile body for the first time. Your bones were so soft and tender, your skin was so gentle and flawless. For as many babies as I have held, as many siblings I had already had, for some reason I always seem to forget the feeling of holding a baby. For the majority of our visit, I took pictures of Lilly holding you. Boy, was she enthralled. She had never held a baby before, and you were her first little sister. I know from experience that being able to call yourself a big sister for the first time is such a proud moment. She couldn't keep her eyes off of you, and the only time she took to look away from you, she looked up at us all with the most proud smile on her face--she immediately delighted in you.
I'm writing this to you now so that some day you may read it when you are older. Why? Mainly because I never want you to forget or doubt that for even a moment that I didn't care for you and love you. This time in my life right now is a huge transition. I moved home to Minnesota nearly 11 weeks ago. One of the hardest things about leaving was leaving you behind. I had to let go of that feeling of responsibility that I was your parent or something--which was a completely false sense of reality and responsibility.
There are so many things I want to teach you, Josephine. And I hope and pray every single day that I will be able to teach you even more than I already have had the pleasure of teaching you. Here are a few things I would like to specifically note for you as your life continues and birthdays upon birthdays pass:
1. Above all else--SERVE GOD. I cannot stress this to you enough, Josie. The power of finding your identity in Christ, the power of living your life for Him, the power of living in His presence and His unfailing love--it is beyond powerful. My biggest prayer for your life is that you will live in that. I can tell you right now, you will make mistakes. You will make bad choices. You will suffer consequences. But through that? Find Him. Live in Him. Live for Him. Learn of Him. Learn from Him. Love for Him. Love Him. As long as you choose to set your gaze upon Him, as long as you choose to learn from your mistakes, and as long as you are open to what He has in store for you--you'll get through life just fine.
2. There will be times that will seem dark in life, but know that you are never alone. Not only is God by your side throughout every emotion and stage in life, you have family and friends that will always be there for you. I can promise you with everything in me that I will never turn you down, I will never judge you and turn you away, I will never turn my back to you, and I will never leave you in darkness. Through your happiness, through your pain, through your joy, through your suffering--I will be here. Don't ever question that.
3. Never settle for less. This is another thing that I cannot stress to you enough. It's so easy to settle--you convince yourself that you're not going to find anything better, that you deserve a certain thing because you're not worth much, that you're not that special. Through Him, Josie, you are a chosen child. Through Him you were destined to live a full and bountiful life. When you settle, it's easy to stray from what God has planned for your life. And let me tell you, sometimes you'll think that you know where your life is headed, and it may even see like the best place you could ever possibly be in life--but sometimes God gives us a little surprise and has an even BETTER plan for our lives. In those times, trust Him--He knows what's best for you.
4. Boys will deceive you, but make Him your main boy. When your heart is after God full-heartedly, the man God has planned for you will see that above all else. Before your smokin' bod, before your beautiful blond hair, before your ocean-like blue eyes. He will--and that boy is worth waiting for.
5. Stand up for yourself. I grew up as a people pleaser. All I wanted was for others to be happy, which is an understandable desire, but where it became unhealthy is that I would do anything to make others happy. I wouldn't speak my mind, I wouldn't stand up for myself, and I let a lot of people walk all over me. Boy, have I learned. I have quite a good feeling that this won't be a struggle for you, because even in your now young age, you are quite the stubborn and loud-spoken one--just remember it.
6. Although you may not have been planned by mom and dad, you were divinely planned by God. Although I am 16 years older than you, this is something we share. When mom was with my dad, they weren't planning on having a baby. Suddenly, mom found she was pregnant with me at the mere age of 18 (which is my age now...super freaky to think about!!). Although I'm sure she was scared, discouraged, and lost--God wasn't. He clearly had a plan and purpose for my life! As for you, mom and your dad didn't plan on having you either. I will never forget the day they both sat me down and said "Mom's pregnant." At first, I literally laughed at them and said "Good joke, guys. For real though, what's going on?" and they both looked at each other, then back at me and said "We're not kidding." I was shocked. Medically, mom wasn't supposed to get pregnant at the time, so again, just another clear reason that God has a huge plan for you & your life!! I cannot WAIT to see where He takes you!!
There are so many other things I could go on and on about, trust me, but I have faith that I will get to teach them to you. I have faith that I will get to play my role in being your big sister. Even though I'm not able to have communication with you right now or be there as you grow up, I have faith that one day I will be able to be there for you.
Having the privilege of being your big sister for the past two years has been such a blessing.
Remember, I'm always here. Never worry about coming to me about a thing. I'm your big sister and my love for you will never change nor fade--ever.
I love you, Josephine Hope.
Your big sister,
Morgan
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