Today is your 7th birthday.
The past 4 months for me have been a little hard in the sense that I haven't been able to see you or speak with you. It's almost been a mourning process that I've gone through because of the absence of you in my life. However, I understand it's how things have to be for now, and I am keeping the hope for the future that things will clear up and get better.
My worry is that you're beyond confused right now. You've had a lot of heavy stuff happen around you your whole seven years of life, and I'm sure you're just confused as to what to think. That's why right now I'm taking the time to write you a letter that I'm hoping you can read sometime when you're older and you're able to comprehend things a little better.
Lillian, your heart is so tender and sweet. The compassion that you have for everything from animals to humans inspires me in ways I cannot explain. No matter what happens, you always have and keep a happy heart. That happy heart is something that has gotten me through a lot of tough times. Whenever I was feeling discouraged, whenever I was feeling down, whenever things were just seeming to get harder and harder, I would just look at you and instantly I had more hope and a little more of an optimistic outlook on things. There are memories I have with you that I will never forget. There are songs that instantly remind me of you like "Right Round", or movie lines that instantly remind me of you like "You're burning a whole through my face". There are qwerky little quotes that you have like "Seriously? I mean, seriously.", and little inside jokes that we have like Shoniqua. Going on walks to Kodiak in Forest Lake and having little devotional times with you and your little princess bible, having you help me babysit Josie, having dance parties when nobody else was home, watching the same movies over and over again--these are the things I will never forget.
Wondering when you were going to give up your nukie.
Seeing the way your adorable nose scrunches up when you laugh.
Watching you learn to be a big sister to Josie.
Pushing you on the swing.
Taking you out for a coffee date/a treat.
These are the things I will never forget.
Singing at the top of our lungs to songs.
Making silly videos.
Coloring with you.
Watching Netflix together.
Watching you play with the neighbor kids.
The way your skin gets so tan in the summer.
These are the things I will never forget.
Your optimistic, eternally accepting, and gracious heart is something that has always spoken to my soul. The pure heart that you possess is captivating. Your smile and laugh give me energy. The life that just flows out of you radiates happiness to my heart. The heart for God and desire you have to live your life for Him is the thing that makes me the most proud to call you my little sister.
My prayer for you is that you keep your identity in Him. That you set your eyes upon Him, no matter what. The road may get narrow, the road may get really messy, and your feet may be feeling squished and tired--but always keep your gaze on Him. Cherish the ones who speak wisdom, love, and encouragement into your life. Listen to the discernment that you have in your heart (99% of the time, it's right). You're going to make mistakes, but it's what you choose to learn from them and how you continue on in life that determines your heart.
I pray for you every single day, Lillian.
There's not a 24 time period that goes by that I don't think of you at least once (usually more).
I hope you know that I love you so so much, and that I'm sorry things are the way they are right now. You don't deserve to have to be stuck in all this muck and icky stuff.
Stay beautiful, sweetness.
I love you.
Love your big sister,
Morgs
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