Liberating

These past 3 weeks have been some of the best of my life--without sounding too drastic and naive.

I mean, really; never in my life have I felt so liberated, free, and independent.
Finding myself again without any predispositions from anyone of who I am, who I was, or who I am to be.
Finding what I want for my life.
Finding what I need for my life.
Making things happen.
Feeling like you're living and jumping into what you were made for.
I was made for this.
Going along with the current without paddling or hesitating.
I don't owe anyone an explanation or defensiveness.
This is my life.
Not yours.
Not his.
Not hers.
I have something to make of this all--and you better believe I have already started.

I don't know exactly what lies ahead of me, but I have this serene peace about it all.
I'm okay not knowing.
I'm okay taking leaps.
I'm okay.

Finally, I'm okay.

Here's to living the destined life..

Created To Be Extraordinary

This weekend I had the utmost pleasure of visiting Body of Christ Church in Ames, Iowa.

I don't think I will ever forget this experience. The morning had a bit of a chill in the air, and the fog hung in a low hazy way. The streets were pretty bare with a few people here and there wandering to their destinations that Sunday morning. Billy had told me that it was small, but other than that I didn't really know what else to expect. I walked in the doors and could hear the muffled voices of the choir just outside the building. As the doors opened and we entered, this feeling overwhelmed me--authenticity. I looked around and saw roughly 75 people or so all of different races, colors, ages, etc. The choir was on stage--most of them African American. Now, let me interrupt things for a second here and explain something. I was born in Forest Lake, Minnesota. One of the smallest of small towns in Minnesota and the definition of white suburbia. You could say I grew up in a sheltered way concerning diversity--I wasn't really exposed to it. So there I stood; a small town, white suburbia girl (and I mean WHITE), in a church with multiple different races, people dancing, people singing, people shouting, and just genuinely praising God. At first I was a little taken back. You could say it was kind of out of my comfort zone just in the sense that I had never been to a church like that--but within the matter of minutes, it's like my soul melted into the rest of the other hearts of the congregation. Immediately I felt like I was already a part of the church, like I was a part of the Body inside the congregation of that church.

I didn't know the songs at all. I'm used to Hillsong United, David Crowder, Desperation Band, etc. But even though I didn't know the tune, even though I didn't know the words, even though I didn't know a thing about the songs, jumping right into praising God came easy for me there. I felt welcomed, I felt accepted, and I felt like nothing was holding me back.

After worship, the pastor stood up and treached (taught + preached). Pastor Toran Smith, I have been told, works at a UPS store, and felt God laying it on his heart to start this church. When you hear and see him speak, the reason why God had that calling on his life is very apparent. He spoke with such just, authenticity, truth, and a life-giving-focused way. He spoke out of love, out of teaching, out of preaching, and out of being a vessel of Christ. He was stern, yet humble in his strength.

The topic of the message was Extraordinary. The second I picked up the pamphlet that we were to follow along in, and I read that single word "extraordinary" across the top, I knew it wasn't just by chance that I was there for that sermon.

He went into reading Daniel. Talking about how Daniel had an extraordinary spirit and extraordinary wisdom. Inside that, he started speaking about how there are barriers that keep us from being extraordinary. Barriers are something that I have had to deal with (which I'm sure a lot of you can relate to) on a pretty regular basis--especially in the past few years. A barrier can be anything from hate built up in your heart, to rules, to people speaking un-righteous things over our lives. Basically, a barrier is anything that keeps us out and away from living to our extraordinary potential.

I have allowed barriers to surround me. Heck, I've even probably built some of them myself. Within that, I've surrounded myself with them, keeping me back from reaching that extraordinary destiny that Christ fashioned my heart for. Destroying those barriers completely is something I have already immediately started praying and interceding for. I was so encouraged to realize that God can use me for His purpose, for His glory, for His Kingdom, all in extraordinary ways than my mind can even imagine. Over my dead body am I going to let barriers keep me away from that. Over my dead body will I just settle for some mediocre, boring, day-to-day life.

This message just really pierced my heart and I think it was a huge push that my heart needed to hear. I'm really in a transitioning point in my life right now, not knowing exactly what lies ahead of me, but I have such a peace about it. Basically I'm in the river, allowing God to take the current wherever He wants and whatever speed He wants, and I'm just floating along--not paddling, just floating. I'm so thankful for how Christ works--all in His perfect timing and perfect ways.

My encouragement to you is to read through Daniel, let this soak in, think about what your barriers are, and what is having you settle for being ordinary rather than extraordinary.

Here's to living the destined life..

What These Hands Were Made For

"We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith;  if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach;  if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. "
~Romans 12:6-8

My Aunt Pat blessed me immensely with a $75 giftcard for a wonderful art supply store called "Dick Blick's" (don't for get the "B"). I went there for the first time on Tuesday and immediately was overwhelmed with excitement going from isle to isle not knowing where to start. An employee kindly helped me pick out what to get. I told her as far as painting went, I had only used watercolors and that I would like to try something new. She ever so sweetly pointed me in the right direction to the perfect acrylic paints, paint brushes, and canvas.

Tonight I finally had the time to sit down with all of my new goodies and put them to good use. I have always been the artistic one--painting, sketching, designing, creating, writing, dancing, etc. I was so excited to try a new medium of art and stretch my artistic abilities!!

Prophetic art is specifically something that has been on my heart for a long time. I love to have something on my heart, hear some scripture, listen to a song lyric, or have God speak to my heart and then put it into a creation. There is something so liberating, freeing, and healing for me in that.

So tonight, I turned my phone on silent, put my iTunes worship playlist on shuffle, started praying, and let my hands do the work. At first, I kind of felt intimidated. I had no idea of how to use acrylics, how to paint with them, what to paint, etc--but in my intimidation, I felt God asking me to sit in silence. It was in that intimate moment, where I closed out the fear and unknown of a new thing for me, that I just let myself start speaking in a language that probably wouldn't make sense to anyone else. Speaking in tongues is something that I have started making myself practice--having that intimate language and communication with Christ is something I have learned to hunger for and love dearly. In that time, I felt God just saying "Let Me work through you. Let Me work through you. Let ME work through YOU." So, I picked up that first bottle of paint, squirted it onto the pallet, picked up my brush, and set it to the canvas. I didn't have it all planned out of what I was going to paint, and surprisingly I was more than okay with that. I just started painting while singing and praying--and these 2 little creations are what I came up with. They're just little canvas' for practice--but the resources that they became to my night made me ever so thankful.

The first one is just kind of my portrayal of a reminder to myself of what Christ sees me as--not what my family sees me as, friends, people at church, people that dislike me--just what Christ sees me as. That I was formed in His image and He fashioned my heart to be one with Him.
The second one of the feather is just kind of a light, hopeful feeling--a reminder that His path is narrow but His burden light. PRAISE GOD FOR THAT!!

My hope and prayer in my art is that it not only is a healing intimate thing for myself, but that it would speak on measures and levels to others that my own mind cannot even fathom. That they could see my art and something would stir in their hearts. That they would search their heart for what it speaks to them--and maybe what God is trying to speak to them through it.

All in all, I highly highly suggest stretching yourself to doing something like this.
I know I'll be doing it way more often and cannot wait until the next time I get to have a time like I did tonight.



Here's to living the destined life..

A Time For Everything

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace."
~Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

This scripture has been running through my mind for the past few days.

Some may take it as instruction to both, say, love and hate. But here's how I look at it: life has cycles. Life has change. Life has seasons. Heck, even the weather has seasons!! The point is, it's in those cycles, it's in those changes, and it's in those seasons that we grow.

The past 5 months for me have been plenty of variations of cycles, changes, and it's definitely been an interesting season. In coming home, I think I expected my burden to be light and my life to just be filled with joy and happiness. Which in some ways, that did happen--but in others, just the opposite happened. All of a sudden I was faced with starting my own life out for myself, which can feel a little overwhelming at times just even from a logistical standpoint let alone an emotional standpoint. All of a sudden I was juggling a bunch of things at once, and I found my heart trying to process at the same time.

At some points throughout the past 5 months, I kept thinking to myself "I just don't feel myself today" which is the worst feeling when you know you're feeling that way but don't know what to do about it. For a while I ignored it. Then for a while I got hard on myself for not reaching my full potential--which to an extent, it is sad I wasn't reaching my full potential and pushing myself to do so. However, in God smacking some sense into me, I realized that was just my heart processing things--which, as it says in Ecclesiastes, there is a time for everything, including processing. And maybe sometimes in the time being of our hearts processing, we don't feel ourselves. In fact, it would make sense that we don't feel ourselves when it's happening. But accepting that it needs to happen, and that it is just part of a season and part of a cycle, helps you put it all together a little easier--at least it did for me.

For me, this just came to a point the other day where I realized that season of me processing is over. That season of me feeling melancholy and not totally myself is over. That season of me not reaching my full potential and pushing myself is over. Which I'm sure there will be times where these things will come up and happen from time to time, but the season of it as a whole is done with.

Another part that plays into this is the chains that needed to be broken inside of me within me processing. I had chains of who others had defined me as, of who others told me I would be, of where others said I would get in life, of who others destined me to be. When faced with the reality of those chains and how they were holding me back in not only relationships and my own well-being, but my ministry as well, the realization and decision that I had to break them was one of the most freeing feelings I have ever experienced. To surrender those words of discouragement, those words of defeat, those words that were not in any way life-giving, and leave them at the cross was such a humbling and just freeing feeling.

I'm ready to start being me.
I'm ready to start being who God fashioned and destined me to be.
I'm ready to start taking even more action in my ministry.
I'm ready to start being His hands and feet in ways I cannot even dream up myself.
I'm ready to start living with a joyful spirit.
I'm ready to start living free of chains and bondage.

Here's to living the destined life..

Defending What Is Already Defended

"My defense is of God, who saves the upright in heart."

~Psalm 7:10 (NKJV)

It's easy to find myself defending my actions, my life situations, and my choices. In sharing with someone where I have been over the past 18 years of my life--and maybe even just the past year of my life--I find myself feeling the need to explain. For some reason there is this fear in my heart that people won't understand, people won't get the whole picture, and then (God forbid) they have a sketched view of me and my heart. I find myself feeling the need to give fact after fact so they can have as many details as possible so they know I didn't do anything wrong and I made the best decision(s). There are various things wrong with this.

The first, is that I do make wrong decisions. I have made plenty of mistakes--some by blatant choice, and others with the failing of the best intentions. I have gotten myself in a hole at times, and then proceeded to dig it deeper. Point is--mistakes have been made. 

The second (and my main point for today) is that Christ is our defender. The past few weeks in my time with God, I have really felt him speaking to me "Morgan, stop defending yourself. Let me do the defending." That has taken time to settle in for me to be able to grasp. My flesh just wants to continue jumping the gun, making sure that everyone knows I'm a good person with the best intentions. Which, you know what? Is the fact. I do have good intentions--my main intention being to serve Christ, live in His ways and love, and glorify His Kingdom. Sounds like good intentions to me, huh? However, the thing I have been missing is letting His Spirit speak through me. Allowing myself to be a vessel, for His heart to just pour out of me, and for His attributes in me to just speak in high volumes to others--louder than my own jibber-jabber of defending myself.

I don't know if any of you have dealt with this or are dealing with this, but I really hope this revelation that God has spoken to my heart can bless you. 

Let Him be your defender.

Here's to living the destined life..

Lillian's Birthday

My sweet Lillian,

Today is your 7th birthday.

The past 4 months for me have been a little hard in the sense that I haven't been able to see you or speak with you. It's almost been a mourning process that I've gone through because of the absence of you in my life. However, I understand it's how things have to be for now, and I am keeping the hope for the future that things will clear up and get better.

My worry is that you're beyond confused right now. You've had a lot of heavy stuff happen around you your whole seven years of life, and I'm sure you're just confused as to what to think. That's why right now I'm taking the time to write you a letter that I'm hoping you can read sometime when you're older and you're able to comprehend things a little better.

Lillian, your heart is so tender and sweet. The compassion that you have for everything from animals to humans inspires me in ways I cannot explain. No matter what happens, you always have and keep a happy heart. That happy heart is something that has gotten me through a lot of tough times. Whenever I was feeling discouraged, whenever I was feeling down, whenever things were just seeming to get harder and harder, I would just look at you and instantly I had more hope and a little more of an optimistic outlook on things. There are memories I have with you that I will never forget. There are songs that instantly remind me of you like "Right Round", or movie lines that instantly remind me of you like "You're burning a whole through my face". There are qwerky little quotes that you have like "Seriously? I mean, seriously.", and little inside jokes that we have like Shoniqua. Going on walks to Kodiak in Forest Lake and having little devotional times with you and your little princess bible, having you help me babysit Josie, having dance parties when nobody else was home, watching the same movies over and over again--these are the things I will never forget.

Wondering when you were going to give up your nukie.
Seeing the way your adorable nose scrunches up when you laugh.
Watching you learn to be a big sister to Josie.
Pushing you on the swing.
Taking you out for a coffee date/a treat.
These are the things I will never forget.

Singing at the top of our lungs to songs.
Making silly videos.
Coloring with you.
Watching Netflix together.
Watching you play with the neighbor kids.
The way your skin gets so tan in the summer.
These are the things I will never forget.

Your optimistic, eternally accepting, and gracious heart is something that has always spoken to my soul. The pure heart that you possess is captivating. Your smile and laugh give me energy. The life that just flows out of you radiates happiness to my heart. The heart for God and desire you have to live your life for Him is the thing that makes me the most proud to call you my little sister.

My prayer for you is that you keep your identity in Him. That you set your eyes upon Him, no matter what. The road may get narrow, the road may get really messy, and your feet may be feeling squished and tired--but always keep your gaze on Him. Cherish the ones who speak wisdom, love, and encouragement into your life. Listen to the discernment that you have in your heart (99% of the time, it's right). You're going to make mistakes, but it's what you choose to learn from them and how you continue on in life that determines your heart.

I pray for you every single day, Lillian.
There's not a 24 time period that goes by that I don't think of you at least once (usually more).
I hope you know that I love you so so much, and that I'm sorry things are the way they are right now. You don't deserve to have to be stuck in all this muck and icky stuff.

Stay beautiful, sweetness.
I love you.

Love your big sister,
Morgs

Praying & Interceding

It has become such a general and cliche for us to say:
"I'll be praying for that."
"I've been praying for you."
"Yeah, I'll pray about that."

...But are we actually following through?

I have found myself even doing it. I claim to be praying for something, I claim that I will pray for something--but when it comes to praying, I don't actually pray about it. Somehow, "I've been praying about that" has (sometimes) transferred into "Yeah, that came across my mind the other day." or something along those lines.

I have felt really challenged lately to actually follow through on prayer. Not just before bed, not just before meals, not just in times of trouble, but in and at every moment in my every day. Whether I be in the car, in bed before I start my day, in the shower, making lunch, or getting dressed.

I could write a whole post on how blessed we are to even have the tool and choice of prayer to connect ourselves to Christ in such an intimate way, but for now I just want to focus on the sole act of praying as well as interceding.

This world is broken. We all have issues, we all have trials, we all have pain, we all have struggles, we all have things bringing us down, we all have hopes, we all have dreams, we all have desires--and it is in those moments that we should be praying. In the happiness, in the joy, in the unsure moments, and in the certain moments. Not only do I believe we should be praying individually, but surrounding one another as the body of Christ in support and love and praying with and for one another.

I have felt challenged to lay down my time, to lay down what makes me comfortable, and to really pray and intercede for not only my own life and circumstances, but for others as well. I believe it is our part in our roles of the kingdom of God to join with one another in prayer--whether it be with or for one another.

2 Corinthians 1:4 says:
"who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."

John 15:13 says:
"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."

Job 42:10 says:
"After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before."

Romans 8:26-27 says:
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God."

Hebrews 7:25 says:
"Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them." 

I am inspired to pray and intercede for the body of Christ--I believe my role is to do so.

Please, let me know if there is anything I can be praying for you for (you can send it to me anonymously or not). I promise you it will be on my list and I will follow through.

Prayer is not thinking.
Prayer is communicating.

Here's to living the destined life..