Defending What Is Already Defended

"My defense is of God, who saves the upright in heart."

~Psalm 7:10 (NKJV)

It's easy to find myself defending my actions, my life situations, and my choices. In sharing with someone where I have been over the past 18 years of my life--and maybe even just the past year of my life--I find myself feeling the need to explain. For some reason there is this fear in my heart that people won't understand, people won't get the whole picture, and then (God forbid) they have a sketched view of me and my heart. I find myself feeling the need to give fact after fact so they can have as many details as possible so they know I didn't do anything wrong and I made the best decision(s). There are various things wrong with this.

The first, is that I do make wrong decisions. I have made plenty of mistakes--some by blatant choice, and others with the failing of the best intentions. I have gotten myself in a hole at times, and then proceeded to dig it deeper. Point is--mistakes have been made. 

The second (and my main point for today) is that Christ is our defender. The past few weeks in my time with God, I have really felt him speaking to me "Morgan, stop defending yourself. Let me do the defending." That has taken time to settle in for me to be able to grasp. My flesh just wants to continue jumping the gun, making sure that everyone knows I'm a good person with the best intentions. Which, you know what? Is the fact. I do have good intentions--my main intention being to serve Christ, live in His ways and love, and glorify His Kingdom. Sounds like good intentions to me, huh? However, the thing I have been missing is letting His Spirit speak through me. Allowing myself to be a vessel, for His heart to just pour out of me, and for His attributes in me to just speak in high volumes to others--louder than my own jibber-jabber of defending myself.

I don't know if any of you have dealt with this or are dealing with this, but I really hope this revelation that God has spoken to my heart can bless you. 

Let Him be your defender.

Here's to living the destined life..

Lillian's Birthday

My sweet Lillian,

Today is your 7th birthday.

The past 4 months for me have been a little hard in the sense that I haven't been able to see you or speak with you. It's almost been a mourning process that I've gone through because of the absence of you in my life. However, I understand it's how things have to be for now, and I am keeping the hope for the future that things will clear up and get better.

My worry is that you're beyond confused right now. You've had a lot of heavy stuff happen around you your whole seven years of life, and I'm sure you're just confused as to what to think. That's why right now I'm taking the time to write you a letter that I'm hoping you can read sometime when you're older and you're able to comprehend things a little better.

Lillian, your heart is so tender and sweet. The compassion that you have for everything from animals to humans inspires me in ways I cannot explain. No matter what happens, you always have and keep a happy heart. That happy heart is something that has gotten me through a lot of tough times. Whenever I was feeling discouraged, whenever I was feeling down, whenever things were just seeming to get harder and harder, I would just look at you and instantly I had more hope and a little more of an optimistic outlook on things. There are memories I have with you that I will never forget. There are songs that instantly remind me of you like "Right Round", or movie lines that instantly remind me of you like "You're burning a whole through my face". There are qwerky little quotes that you have like "Seriously? I mean, seriously.", and little inside jokes that we have like Shoniqua. Going on walks to Kodiak in Forest Lake and having little devotional times with you and your little princess bible, having you help me babysit Josie, having dance parties when nobody else was home, watching the same movies over and over again--these are the things I will never forget.

Wondering when you were going to give up your nukie.
Seeing the way your adorable nose scrunches up when you laugh.
Watching you learn to be a big sister to Josie.
Pushing you on the swing.
Taking you out for a coffee date/a treat.
These are the things I will never forget.

Singing at the top of our lungs to songs.
Making silly videos.
Coloring with you.
Watching Netflix together.
Watching you play with the neighbor kids.
The way your skin gets so tan in the summer.
These are the things I will never forget.

Your optimistic, eternally accepting, and gracious heart is something that has always spoken to my soul. The pure heart that you possess is captivating. Your smile and laugh give me energy. The life that just flows out of you radiates happiness to my heart. The heart for God and desire you have to live your life for Him is the thing that makes me the most proud to call you my little sister.

My prayer for you is that you keep your identity in Him. That you set your eyes upon Him, no matter what. The road may get narrow, the road may get really messy, and your feet may be feeling squished and tired--but always keep your gaze on Him. Cherish the ones who speak wisdom, love, and encouragement into your life. Listen to the discernment that you have in your heart (99% of the time, it's right). You're going to make mistakes, but it's what you choose to learn from them and how you continue on in life that determines your heart.

I pray for you every single day, Lillian.
There's not a 24 time period that goes by that I don't think of you at least once (usually more).
I hope you know that I love you so so much, and that I'm sorry things are the way they are right now. You don't deserve to have to be stuck in all this muck and icky stuff.

Stay beautiful, sweetness.
I love you.

Love your big sister,
Morgs

Praying & Interceding

It has become such a general and cliche for us to say:
"I'll be praying for that."
"I've been praying for you."
"Yeah, I'll pray about that."

...But are we actually following through?

I have found myself even doing it. I claim to be praying for something, I claim that I will pray for something--but when it comes to praying, I don't actually pray about it. Somehow, "I've been praying about that" has (sometimes) transferred into "Yeah, that came across my mind the other day." or something along those lines.

I have felt really challenged lately to actually follow through on prayer. Not just before bed, not just before meals, not just in times of trouble, but in and at every moment in my every day. Whether I be in the car, in bed before I start my day, in the shower, making lunch, or getting dressed.

I could write a whole post on how blessed we are to even have the tool and choice of prayer to connect ourselves to Christ in such an intimate way, but for now I just want to focus on the sole act of praying as well as interceding.

This world is broken. We all have issues, we all have trials, we all have pain, we all have struggles, we all have things bringing us down, we all have hopes, we all have dreams, we all have desires--and it is in those moments that we should be praying. In the happiness, in the joy, in the unsure moments, and in the certain moments. Not only do I believe we should be praying individually, but surrounding one another as the body of Christ in support and love and praying with and for one another.

I have felt challenged to lay down my time, to lay down what makes me comfortable, and to really pray and intercede for not only my own life and circumstances, but for others as well. I believe it is our part in our roles of the kingdom of God to join with one another in prayer--whether it be with or for one another.

2 Corinthians 1:4 says:
"who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."

John 15:13 says:
"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."

Job 42:10 says:
"After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before."

Romans 8:26-27 says:
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God."

Hebrews 7:25 says:
"Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them." 

I am inspired to pray and intercede for the body of Christ--I believe my role is to do so.

Please, let me know if there is anything I can be praying for you for (you can send it to me anonymously or not). I promise you it will be on my list and I will follow through.

Prayer is not thinking.
Prayer is communicating.

Here's to living the destined life..

Josie's 2nd Birthday

My sweet Josephine,

Today you are two years old.

It seems like just yesterday I was waking up to your dad saying "It's time. I need you to come upstairs and sleep on the couch--we have to go to the hospital." I could barely sleep the rest of the night (well, technically it was morning). Although I already had three siblings at this point--I was beyond ecstatic. You were born and I will never forget visiting mom in the hospital and holding your sweet little fragile body for the first time. Your bones were so soft and tender, your skin was so gentle and flawless. For as many babies as I have held, as many siblings I had already had, for some reason I always seem to forget the feeling of holding a baby. For the majority of our visit, I took pictures of Lilly holding you. Boy, was she enthralled. She had never held a baby before, and you were her first little sister. I know from experience that being able to call yourself a big sister for the first time is such a proud moment. She couldn't keep her eyes off of you, and the only time she took to look away from you, she looked up at us all with the most proud smile on her face--she immediately delighted in you.

I'm writing this to you now so that some day you may read it when you are older. Why? Mainly because I never want you to forget or doubt that for even a moment that I didn't care for you and love you. This time in my life right now is a huge transition. I moved home to Minnesota nearly 11 weeks ago. One of the hardest things about leaving was leaving you behind. I had to let go of that feeling of responsibility that I was your parent or something--which was a completely false sense of reality and responsibility.

There are so many things I want to teach you, Josephine. And I hope and pray every single day that I will be able to teach you even more than I already have had the pleasure of teaching you. Here are a few things I would like to specifically note for you as your life continues and birthdays upon birthdays pass:

1. Above all else--SERVE GOD. I cannot stress this to you enough, Josie. The power of finding your identity in Christ, the power of living your life for Him, the power of living in His presence and His unfailing love--it is beyond powerful. My biggest prayer for your life is that you will live in that. I can tell you right now, you will make mistakes. You will make bad choices. You will suffer consequences. But through that? Find Him. Live in Him. Live for Him. Learn of Him. Learn from Him. Love for Him. Love Him. As long as you choose to set your gaze upon Him, as long as you choose to learn from your mistakes, and as long as you are open to what He has in store for you--you'll get through life just fine.

2. There will be times that will seem dark in life, but know that you are never alone. Not only is God by your side throughout every emotion and stage in life, you have family and friends that will always be there for you. I can promise you with everything in me that I will never turn you down, I will never judge you and turn you away, I will never turn my back to you, and I will never leave you in darkness. Through your happiness, through your pain, through your joy, through your suffering--I will be here. Don't ever question that.

3. Never settle for less. This is another thing that I cannot stress to you enough. It's so easy to settle--you convince yourself that you're not going to find anything better, that you deserve a certain thing because you're not worth much, that you're not that special. Through Him, Josie, you are a chosen child. Through Him you were destined to live a full and bountiful life. When you settle, it's easy to stray from what God has planned for your life. And let me tell you, sometimes you'll think that you know where your life is headed, and it may even see like the best place you could ever possibly be in life--but sometimes God gives us a little surprise and has an even BETTER plan for our lives. In those times, trust Him--He knows what's best for you.

4. Boys will deceive you, but make Him your main boy. When your heart is after God full-heartedly, the man God has planned for you will see that above all else. Before your smokin' bod, before your beautiful blond hair, before your ocean-like blue eyes. He will--and that boy is worth waiting for.

5. Stand up for yourself. I grew up as a people pleaser. All I wanted was for others to be happy, which is an understandable desire, but where it became unhealthy is that I would do anything to make others happy. I wouldn't speak my mind, I wouldn't stand up for myself, and I let a lot of people walk all over me. Boy, have I learned. I have quite a good feeling that this won't be a struggle for you, because even in your now young age, you are quite the stubborn and loud-spoken one--just remember it.

6. Although you may not have been planned by mom and dad, you were divinely planned by God. Although I am 16 years older than you, this is something we share. When mom was with my dad, they weren't planning on having a baby. Suddenly, mom found she was pregnant with me at the mere age of 18 (which is my age now...super freaky to think about!!). Although I'm sure she was scared, discouraged, and lost--God wasn't. He clearly had a plan and purpose for my life! As for you, mom and your dad didn't plan on having you either. I will never forget the day they both sat me down and said "Mom's pregnant." At first, I literally laughed at them and said "Good joke, guys. For real though, what's going on?" and they both looked at each other, then back at me and said "We're not kidding." I was shocked. Medically, mom wasn't supposed to get pregnant at the time, so again, just another clear reason that God has a huge plan for you & your life!! I cannot WAIT to see where He takes you!!


There are so many other things I could go on and on about, trust me, but I have faith that I will get to teach them to you. I have faith that I will get to play my role in being your big sister. Even though I'm not able to have communication with you right now or be there as you grow up, I have faith that one day I will be able to be there for you.

Having the privilege of being your big sister for the past two years has been such a blessing.
Remember, I'm always here. Never worry about coming to me about a thing. I'm your big sister and my love for you will never change nor fade--ever.

I love you, Josephine Hope.

Your big sister,
Morgan

How can I be praying for you?

Hello everyone!!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Things have gotten a little busy lately. Within that, I feel this strong desire to pray and intercede for a lot of you. Whether I know you or not, I encourage you to send me a message--it can be anonymous if you wish!!

Spill your heart out. It can be any prayer need that you wish.

I want to do my part in being a sister in Christ and working together to be the Body of Him.

Be blessed!!

Here's to living the destined life..

Our Role In His Kingdom

While in my quiet time/Jesus time/prayer time this morning, I was feeling really convicted of something.

I can only speak for myself (though I know this is a common thing for many people) in that when having my time with God, I find myself seeking assurance, encouragement, love, and His uplifting grace. My point? Of course it's only normal to want and seek all of the above from Christ--that's something He installed in us to yearn and hunger for. Within that, there's a whole other aspect to our relationship with Christ--searching our hearts, looking at our downfalls, humbling ourselves, and focusing on what we could and need to work on (this could also entail God condemning us of things). The sole subject of searching for only happy/light-hearted things from Christ, if you will, is a whole other subject I could go on and on about, but for now I will save that for another time.

Today, I want to write to you about our role in the Kingdom of God.

When you think of the Kingdom of God, many questions may come to mind: What is the Kingdom of God? What does God want from me for the sole purpose of His Kingdom? What does living for the Kingdom of God look like?

When I sat down with my Bible to my left and my journal to my right, I felt God speaking to me over and over again to go read Ezekiel. I opened my Bible to the first page of Ezekiel. Personally, I haven't read much of Ezekiel, so I knew there was something new in store for me to hear.

I started reading about Ezekiel's vision in chapter 1, followed to how Christ directly spoke to him in chapter 2 and 3. To sum it up for you, God was calling Ezekiel to go reach out to the rebellious people in Israel.

Ezekiel 2:8 says:
"Son of man, listen to what I say to you. Do not join them in being a rebel. Open your mouth and eat what I give you."

For some, this may be hard. I personally was feeling really convicted with this specific verse. In moving back home to Minnesota a little over 7 weeks ago, a lot of things were thrown my way. I've always been the "go-to" person. For whatever reason, people feel comfortable coming to me as a place to unleash what has been on their heart and mind, to tell what they have been struggling with, to tell how their heart has been hurting, and as a safe place to just allow tears to flow. First off, let me make clear that I love being there for people. I love listening, being that safe place for them, and giving as much wisdom as I can that I have gathered in my 18 years of life. Within that, I can tell you that throughout the years, there have been times where I have allowed myself to slip along with them. What I am saying is throughout my life, there have been times where I act a certain way around certain people--which I'm sure a lot of you can relate to. You know, you have one group of friends over here who are your really strong brothers and sisters in Christ. You uplift one another, you walk in righteous ways along side one another, you allow the words from your mouth to be pleasing to God. But then you have this other group of friends over here who are a little more rough around the edges, but you love them and want to show them the love of Christ in return--within that, you sometimes find yourself speaking in not the best ways, because frankly, they don't care if you slip an f-bomb out here and there. I was really feeling condemned from God that even when around those friends who are a little more rough around the edges, I need to have a consistent golden heart of Christ. If I am proclaiming His name, and trying to reach out and portray His love, I am not going to really get to those individuals by just following in their same behaviours.


Ezekiel 3:10-11 says this:
"Then he added, 'Son of man, let all my words sink deep into your own heart first. Listen to them carefully for yourself. Then go to your people in exile and say to them, 'This is what the Sovereign Lord says!' Do this whether they listen to you or not.'"

Within being home for the past 7 weeks, I think I've gotten really comfortable with just allowing God to work on situations in my life. Is that great? Yes. Is that understandable? Yes. Is that the only thing I am called to do? No. I've been so focused on accomplishing things logistically with things such as school and jobs, that I have missed the biggest picture of all--my role in the Kingdom of God. As Christ followers, we all have a role in His Kingdom--it's just a plain fact.

Now your next question may be "What is my role in the Kingdom of God?"

Here are some answers:

Micah 6:8 says:
"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

Luke 4:18-19 says:
"'The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor.'"


Luke 9:2 says:
"and he sent them out to proclaim the kingdom of God and to heal the sick."

Most of those verses are referring to Jesus and his role here on earth. I think sometimes it's really easy to get caught up in seeing Jesus as this Holy Spirit, which he definitely is, but he also is our prime example of who God calls us to be. We are called under God to be like Jesus. To heal the sick, to give to the poor, to serve others, to show mercy and grace, to bestow love and mercy. We are called to be like him so that others may see Christ through us. For those who do not have a relationship with Christ (and even those who do) we human beings are the way they see Christ--they see Christ through us. So if we are walking in in-just ways, living in dark places, and not walking what we speak, how is that giving the correct portraying and picture of Christ? It's not. It doesn't do Him justice.

With this said, I encourage you to really identify your role in the Kingdom of God and pick apart areas that you need to work on.
I encourage you to walk in a portrayment of Christ.
I encourage you to allow God to condemn you of things.
I encourage you to walk in the light of Jesus.
I encourage you to be an example.
I encourage you to fulfill your role in His Kingdom.

Here's to living the destined life..

A Daughter's Heart

This picture gives me mixed emotions and today was definitely an interesting day.

My mom taught me so much growing up. I remember asking her if she ever thought of having an abortion when she found out she was pregnant with me at the mere age of 18 and she responded with a confident "Not once."

My mom gave up going to college, having the "normal" life, having a paying job, and following her dreams to raise me in the home she believed I deserved. She sacrificed things for me on a daily basis, she put me before herself, and she always loved me. She raised me in a Godly home, immersing me in God's love and word on a daily basis. She encouraged me in the most precious ways. She challenged me in the most loving ways. She left me notes in my lunch box. She showed up at every dance recital. She showed up at every school event. She went on school field trips when she could. She supported the desires and dreams of my heart. She taught me to persevere. She taught me to stay strong. She taught me to anchor myself in the Lord so that the ways of this world could not tear me down. She cleaned up my wounds, and let me stay up an extra 15 minutes if I was being good that day. She listened to me spill my heart out as I cried on her shoulder and she fed me chocolate. She not only brought me into this world, but taught me how to live a life worth living.

Out of all the things my mom taught me growing up, the best thing I believe was that she taught me what a real mother's love was like. The love I have felt from my mom has been the closest thing I can describe to God's love for us--unconditional, never ending, grace-covering, immense multitude, divine love.

This year is different than most.
She's not here.
I'm not there.
We're not together.
We're not even really on speaking terms.
And she's not the same person.

But no matter how different this year is.
No matter where she is.
No matter where I am.
No matter if we're together or not.
No matter if we're not even speaking.
No matter if she's lost and confused.
My love as her daughter will never change.

Mom,
I pray for you daily. And even if you don't read this or can't hear me, I'm here--1009.7 miles away--sitting at this desk in my sweatpants and sweatshirt, my toes bitter cold as always, and tears streaming down my face.

You're my mom, and I'm never giving up on you.



Here's to living the destined life..